I Think I'm Confused, lol

Yesterday I went to my friend house and met up with "A" who was "B." Now I know this may be confusing to you, as it is to me but I think I like "B," We're friends and we been kicking it more. He hella chill, sarcastic..lol, and funny. I kind of realize this when I was in the garage with them. What could I say?? they just both cool peoples. Its just funny because one is a Leo and the other is a Cancer. My boyfriend is a Cancer and his close friend is a Leo. I almost said this last night when I found out but I didn't. "B" was like finish what you was saying..I thought you don't hold nothing back?? I was like its a secret and I told you I don't hold nothing back except secrets. I started to laughing for some minutes just thinking about that and he was looking like you got to tell me. I was like " its nothing." I know from experience and just common sense that its not good to bring up your boyfriend or ex when you talking to another guy ( that's whether you talking talking to them or just friends type of deal). I think he called me sexy too yesterday but I act like I didn't hear it even though I smiled..I guess you can say that its hard to take in compliments ( for some reason, I can't just say thank you and move on).
I don't know what to do in this situation. . . .that's not really occurring,lol. I don't think I would ever cross that line but I never know because most guys that I have talk to never cross my line. It seems that everyone waits for me, while I'm waiting on them. A cycle of games that will probably never end. I would like to think of myself as aggressive; meaning I would approach a guy or make the first move, but that's wouldn't be necessarily true.

Update on "A" lol

On Thursday I had to go to the city but didn't really want to go by myself so I ask my friend if he can come with me. When I met up with him he was with "A". I wasn't too surprised since they hang around eachother. Anyways I found out that he just broke up with his girlfriend. I was kind of happy but also bad..... I think,. . . well I almost wished he didn't go with anyone and now he don't. I planned on going and drinking with weekend and so I was asking my friend and "A" what they plan on doing; in the middle of the conversation we was talking about drinking and "A" said if he was drinking he will probably ask me to marry him. I was thinking in my head 'I probably say yes" lol.
Each time I hang around him or talk to him I find myself more curious and I find myself stuck at a dead end all because of myself, but at the same time I don't want to past up a opportunity. I can definitely say you can't choose the people who like. I have tried many times and it doesn't work. You may not like them when you first meet them but those are the ones you need to look out for; the ones that became your friend. One day, you will look at them with the thought of all the good qualities you would look for in a man, and see it in them.

Something That Will Never Be...

I been thinking these past 2 weeks about this guy that I know who I like, the only thing is holding me from pursuing him is the fact that I have a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish this was a different lifetime so that I can pursue people I actually like and not just attracted to. It's crazy though, because he goes with someone and I really respect that but more and more I find myself flirting...now I'm not flirting flirting. He's really cool tho, very respectful, very down to earth, funny, and nice.
I was kind of hoping that he didn't like me so it can be easier for me to get over him but this not the case. Over the last couple of days, I would look up and see that he's staring at me...not looking just because I'm talking or to see if I'm listening but because its something there. I remember a couple of times I would find him looking at me, and I liking him, would look back.... but we both admiring eachother from a distance.
Last night we went out with some friends. I never really dance with anyone unless I like them. So I was dancing by myself but I was in front of him and didn't realize how close cause the next thing you know , we're dancing. I felt kind of weird since he goes w/ someone and I do too but I didn't see the harm in dancing. I think this was too much cause I found him looking at me more and I found myself looking at him more. Any how, I end up going outside to smoke with...let called him A' ....so I end up going outside with A' and my other friends to smoke .We end up seating next to eachother and we all start talking and stuff and I said something about my boyfriend. When we went back to the party I thought A' came in but he end up going home. I thought about it but I don't want to assume too much. Its crazy cause if I like someone and I don't want myself to be attracted to them so I will ignore them and try not to pay attention to them but then I get in a situation where words are unneeded cause we both knew.
I will definitely let you know where this lead..hopefully to no where unless we both break up w/ our spouse but I don't think that's going to happen since we both live with them. Until next post.

A Poem As I Go. . .

Across mountains through rivers and streams,

over the ocean lies  a passionate dream..

Filled with light and at time ecstasy

I close my eyes and often wonder off into this dream

hoping for one day when my life will come to be.

And though, I know its just a dream. . .

For reality is in existence at all times, and all of days

and the one I want is always taken away.

 

I go through the wilderness to find this special one,

one as in the number, key to life, stands firm and holds tight.

 

I run through fields of distant lands and fly to the highest stars above,

stretching my arms just to get a hint  or even a glimpse of love.

how much I want to look into your eyes and kiss your lips

and you hold me tight and tell me all that I missed. .

I need you to let go of her and I let go of him ..

so that one day we come together without thinking of them.

This imbalanced is killing my soul,

piercing from knifes and bruises from stones. . .

love have no boundaries, no limits

but we mere humans..have rules, and our last days goes down as minutes,

If I have a glimpse of you now it will be a delight,

like eating the sweetest fruit, or looking at the stars while the Sun beams its light. .

A treasure that is unseen but could be created by the someone.