These past weeks been crazy in my life. My job takes most of my time during the day. I end up leaving to go out of town for my aunt funeral for a week. I was really hurt by this and still is so I don't want go into details. I don't celebrate Halloween due to religious beliefs but went to a friend party to support...it was o.k I guess.lol. I still been hanging with "A" and "B" whenever I get time. That's situation is going everywhere (its a saying). I still like both but I email B to let him know that I like him but I can't talk to him like that.
Yesterday, after I got off work I went to go kick it with "A" and "B", while we was chilling, talking, laughing, doing what we do. We was talking and "B" said that I like him and "A" and I was like what??? BUT ITS TRUE AND I DO! lol. . . . I never really admit it and I never really denied it either but he knew that was a 'yes. ""A" said that he was going to marry me but I'm really in love with my boyfriend. I really like "A." I feel like we connect more even though I spend most of my time with "B." I try to create that with "B" because I wanted them to have a equal chance and I didn't want to base my feelings on first real interaction. I think my main issue is that he keep reminding me of my boyfriend and I will never be comfortable if I keep thinking about my boyfriend all the time; it's bad enough that I even have these feelings.
Today I kick it with just them and I don't know whats going on. "B" was saying some things that made me uncomfortable and "A" was cool I guess. They both was acted weird today and I'm not sure why. . . I don't want them to think that this is a competition cause its not and they always trying to get me to pick one. "B" seem kind of mad over the fact that I do like "A." What can I do?? I can't control who I like; if I could I wouldn't like anyone except my boyfriend. "B" would look at me to see if I'm looking at "A" or would have a expression on his face when I'm talking to "A" more.
I say I want to treat them equal but they not; I don't want someone who remind me of my dude. I want someone who is totally different and hold certain values or morals. I wish "A" had a phone so I can call him and talk to him. . .not like I don't like talking to "B" but I want to see if me and "A" chemistry is only just surface or can it be more. He had his head on my lap while we watched T.V and his hand under his head on my thigh. . . I didn't mind him touching. . . . . .I usually do, especially with "B."
I know I need to develop my blog but I just don't get the time. I usually good with these things but I'm always busy. I just started three art projects and are in the middle of two paintings. I'm in the middle of this book called "Assassins," that I just lost so now I have to buy it again to finish it; hopefully a used bookstore will have it. I'm currently updating my music on my laptop because I lost alot of music when I clean my desktop. This is long a list but don't worry I get on my computer alot so give me a chance. I'm using this blog as a journal so it has to fit me.
I'm going to leave you with some pictures that I took.
Yesterday, after I got off work I went to go kick it with "A" and "B", while we was chilling, talking, laughing, doing what we do. We was talking and "B" said that I like him and "A" and I was like what??? BUT ITS TRUE AND I DO! lol. . . . I never really admit it and I never really denied it either but he knew that was a 'yes. ""A" said that he was going to marry me but I'm really in love with my boyfriend. I really like "A." I feel like we connect more even though I spend most of my time with "B." I try to create that with "B" because I wanted them to have a equal chance and I didn't want to base my feelings on first real interaction. I think my main issue is that he keep reminding me of my boyfriend and I will never be comfortable if I keep thinking about my boyfriend all the time; it's bad enough that I even have these feelings.
Today I kick it with just them and I don't know whats going on. "B" was saying some things that made me uncomfortable and "A" was cool I guess. They both was acted weird today and I'm not sure why. . . I don't want them to think that this is a competition cause its not and they always trying to get me to pick one. "B" seem kind of mad over the fact that I do like "A." What can I do?? I can't control who I like; if I could I wouldn't like anyone except my boyfriend. "B" would look at me to see if I'm looking at "A" or would have a expression on his face when I'm talking to "A" more.
I say I want to treat them equal but they not; I don't want someone who remind me of my dude. I want someone who is totally different and hold certain values or morals. I wish "A" had a phone so I can call him and talk to him. . .not like I don't like talking to "B" but I want to see if me and "A" chemistry is only just surface or can it be more. He had his head on my lap while we watched T.V and his hand under his head on my thigh. . . I didn't mind him touching. . . . . .I usually do, especially with "B."
I know I need to develop my blog but I just don't get the time. I usually good with these things but I'm always busy. I just started three art projects and are in the middle of two paintings. I'm in the middle of this book called "Assassins," that I just lost so now I have to buy it again to finish it; hopefully a used bookstore will have it. I'm currently updating my music on my laptop because I lost alot of music when I clean my desktop. This is long a list but don't worry I get on my computer alot so give me a chance. I'm using this blog as a journal so it has to fit me.
I'm going to leave you with some pictures that I took.
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