Something That Will Never Be...

I been thinking these past 2 weeks about this guy that I know who I like, the only thing is holding me from pursuing him is the fact that I have a boyfriend. Sometimes I wish this was a different lifetime so that I can pursue people I actually like and not just attracted to. It's crazy though, because he goes with someone and I really respect that but more and more I find myself flirting...now I'm not flirting flirting. He's really cool tho, very respectful, very down to earth, funny, and nice.
I was kind of hoping that he didn't like me so it can be easier for me to get over him but this not the case. Over the last couple of days, I would look up and see that he's staring at me...not looking just because I'm talking or to see if I'm listening but because its something there. I remember a couple of times I would find him looking at me, and I liking him, would look back.... but we both admiring eachother from a distance.
Last night we went out with some friends. I never really dance with anyone unless I like them. So I was dancing by myself but I was in front of him and didn't realize how close cause the next thing you know , we're dancing. I felt kind of weird since he goes w/ someone and I do too but I didn't see the harm in dancing. I think this was too much cause I found him looking at me more and I found myself looking at him more. Any how, I end up going outside to smoke with...let called him A' ....so I end up going outside with A' and my other friends to smoke .We end up seating next to eachother and we all start talking and stuff and I said something about my boyfriend. When we went back to the party I thought A' came in but he end up going home. I thought about it but I don't want to assume too much. Its crazy cause if I like someone and I don't want myself to be attracted to them so I will ignore them and try not to pay attention to them but then I get in a situation where words are unneeded cause we both knew.
I will definitely let you know where this lead..hopefully to no where unless we both break up w/ our spouse but I don't think that's going to happen since we both live with them. Until next post.

A Poem As I Go. . .

Across mountains through rivers and streams,

over the ocean lies  a passionate dream..

Filled with light and at time ecstasy

I close my eyes and often wonder off into this dream

hoping for one day when my life will come to be.

And though, I know its just a dream. . .

For reality is in existence at all times, and all of days

and the one I want is always taken away.

 

I go through the wilderness to find this special one,

one as in the number, key to life, stands firm and holds tight.

 

I run through fields of distant lands and fly to the highest stars above,

stretching my arms just to get a hint  or even a glimpse of love.

how much I want to look into your eyes and kiss your lips

and you hold me tight and tell me all that I missed. .

I need you to let go of her and I let go of him ..

so that one day we come together without thinking of them.

This imbalanced is killing my soul,

piercing from knifes and bruises from stones. . .

love have no boundaries, no limits

but we mere humans..have rules, and our last days goes down as minutes,

If I have a glimpse of you now it will be a delight,

like eating the sweetest fruit, or looking at the stars while the Sun beams its light. .

A treasure that is unseen but could be created by the someone.